Saturday, January 30, 2010

Build Trust in a Relationship -- Take These Seven Vital Steps

Here are seven direct and effective steps you can take to build trust in a relationship

• Be predictable

Predictability scores more points in a relationship than variety. This contradicts the common idea that "stirring things up" will keep your romance alive. Sure, having dinner at a new restaurant or showing up with a surprise gift are positive gestures. But, most of all, partners seek consistency and steadiness in their relationships in order to make them work. Partners build trust in their relationship by maintaining consistency in their reliability and predictability from day to day.

• Make sure your words always match your message

Your partner must hear words that correspond to your gestures, body language and overall demeanor. By saying you're happy while wearing a scowl and standing rigid with your arms crossed tightly sends mixed messages. Your partner may hear your words, but he/she will deduce your meaning from the look on your face and the regrettable tone of your voice. Your partner must believe what you are saying. When your words match your physical message, you're building trust in a relationship.

• Believe in your partner's competency

Without belief in a person's competency, you can't establish the necessary trust in a relationship. When you express doubt in your partner's competence in areas important to him/her, you damage that trust. When communicated with heart and soul, truth is never destructive.

• Don’t keep secrets

Secrets will destroy trust in a relationship. Be honest and open. Assume all secrets will eventually be revealed. Keeping secrets requires you to expend a huge amount of energy that could go into building your relationship.

• Don't hesitate to express your needs

Don’t make your partner have to guess what you need and want. Your needs are important, but they shouldn't make you selfish. If you are reluctant to express and ask for your own needs to be fulfilled, you may swing completely in the opposite direction and wind up suffocating your partner.

• Learn to say no


It is desirable when your partner freely expresses his/her needs. But you needn't say yes to everything. It is difficult for an individual to respect a partner who never says no. Refusing to be dominated by another person’s will is a necessary step to build trust in a relationship.

• Constantly seek growth in your relationship

Planting and cultivating the seeds of your relationship can be demanding, difficult and even painful at times. But through these efforts you enrich and prepare your relationship for future growth. Don’t let turmoil, crises or questions frighten you. Together they create the fertilizer for growth and change. Accept and manage difficulties that arise.

After deciding to enhance the trust in a relationship, you're sure to encounter some pain. But managing this pain will make you a stronger individual and will strengthen your relationship.


Find out more

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