How to Save a Relationship -- Follow these Seven Steps

Does this example of a troubled relationship sound familiar? -- A husband's job keeps him working long hours and his wife feels he isn't there for her nearly as much as he should be. However, she spends most of her time taking care of their children and the husband feels his wife doesn’t devote enough time to his needs.

How can this relationship be saved? Is it worth saving? Sure it is. And here’s how to save a relationship.

• Decide if your relationship is worth saving

It is true that with hard work almost any relationship can be saved. But both partners must decide to help make it work. Little can be done if a partner has left the relationship and doesn’t want or intend to opt back in.

Many people continue a relationship for simple convenience or to hold onto a marriage because of the children. But that is not enough to sustain a solid relationship. How to save a relationship begins with both parties' personal commitment to the belief that the relationship is worth saving.

• Pinpoint the core problems in your relationship

One of the huge difficulties associated with how to save a relationship is that people consider the symptoms associated with their difficulties to be the problem itself.

For example, most of us would consider having an affair a big problem that causes break ups. However, an affair is a symptom of a greater problem. A lack of sincere intimacy, for example, can cause a spouse to stray.

Rather than dealing with this lack of intimacy, the other partner may choose to use guilt to improve his/her chances of preventing additional affairs from occurring. But other issues such as the appearance of pornography could result because you haven’t dealt with the core issue.

By dealing with core issues, not symptoms, you can save your relationship.

• Share your thoughts

After identifying your relationship's core problems, you must verbalize your own feelings and listen to your partner’s concerns. By holding your partner’s hand when discussing your problems, you show your desire to reconnect even when your emotions are in turmoil.

If your partner brings up disturbing incidents or concerns during your discussions, you must realize he/she is not doing it to hurt you. They want to improve your relationship.

• Create an action plan

After you've identified the specific issues causing friction in your relationship, create an action plan to resolve them.

• Take solid steps to implement your action plan

For example, if you can't spend leisure time together like you used to, set up a date night every week. Have fun concocting creative ways to spend an evening together. Or, if the issue is your lack of communication, commit to spending quality time after dinner or before going to bed talking to each another. Then make sure you keep your commitment.

• Know that saving a relationship is an ongoing process

Chances are, when resolving your problems, you'll advance two steps then take one step back. Understand that setbacks occur and don’t let them deter you.

• Be quick to apologize and slow to blame

Reestablishing and maintaining a solid, loving relationship is hard, continuous work. Understand that you and your partner will both experience laughter and tears as you go forward.

If you want to regain the happiness you once shared, then taking these seven steps is how to save a relationship.

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